Back of the Closet
by MiLoV
Summary: COMPLETE! It's 10 Years after Jess left and he finds an old picture of Rory and begins to think about her again. Will his love make itself known again?
1. Pictures

Disclaimer: I own nuthin  
  
Summary: It's 10 Years after Jess left and he finds an old picture of Rory and begins to think about her again. Will his love make itself known again?  
  
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He walked into his apartment and threw his keys in the bowl next to the door, where they were meant to go. He personally thought it was crazy to have a special place for keys because then you couldn't lose them like everyone else and go into a frenzy and have a horrible day and be able to tell people it was all they keys fault. His horrible days were just horrible. There was no way to explain them, they just sucked.  
  
He looked into the fridge, in hopes of finding something eatable, but failed. He was going to have to order in. He turned to get his phone when he noticed his living room. It was a train wreck to say the least. He sighed and went back to finding the phone that seemed to be lost in the endless piles of trash and whatnot. He noticed the phone's cradle and that there was an unread message. He pushed the button and continued searching.  
  
"Hey sweetie, it's me. I just wanted to remind you about packing up your stuff tonight! I'll see you tomorrow!!! Can't wait for the big day, can you? Love you, sweetie!" She hung up the phone. He was getting married in two days to a beautiful woman named, Karen. Her father was rich and most people accused Jess of liking her only because of that reason. This of course, was far from true. She was a sweet woman who adored him and he adored her....  
  
"Guess I should start with the bedroom." He headed off to his bedroom, but stopped when he realized he still had to order food. He ordered a pizza and then went to his bedroom. There was a ton of stuff all over his desk that had to go. *now for a box...* he searched and searched, finally finding one in his closet. There was some stuff already in it. He almost dismissed it, but then his eye fell on the side of the box. He looked closer and brushed the dust off. It read: Rory. He felt around the box and pulled out a book. He smiled, Oliver Twist....  
  
Dodger  
  
That was the nickname that she had given to him. It had made him feel special. Like whenever she called him that, there was no one else in the world. Just the two of them. The next thing he pulled out was a CD that read: Jess and Rory's Mix. He didn't remember her ever giving this to him.....She had given this box to Luke 2 years after he had left Stars Hollow without a word to anyone. She had been moving and found his old stuff and wanted him to have it, even after all this time. He, himself had been moving when Luke had sent it to him....there were so many boxes in his living room that day and he really didn't have time to deal with it. He figured it was his old stuff, but he never knew she had added some things to it. That is, until now.  
  
He never HAD actually gone through it, he had just scribbled the name "Rory" on the box and put it with the other boxes, thinking he would go through it later.....but he didn't. The box was accidentally put at the top of his closet along with other boxes and it just...got pushed further and further into the back of the closet with time, never once entering his mind. He had completely forgotten about it by the time he was done unpacking.  
  
He got up and placed the cd in his Cd player, very curious as to what was on it.  
  
I want you  
  
I don't want to sleep, go on and speak  
  
Wearing out the carpet with my feet  
  
And i want you  
  
I want you  
  
You don't know how bad you've got me hooked  
  
I hate myself 'cause you don't like my looks  
  
I want you  
  
I want you  
  
Oh ah, oh ah  
  
I want you  
  
Everything's still playing in my head  
  
I'm twisting and i'm crying in my bed  
  
I want you Yeah, i want you  
  
It's not fair  
  
I should be there too With you  
  
Here i am still trying to erase  
  
Everything, your voice, your smile, your face  
  
I want you  
  
Yeah, i want you  
  
Oh ah, oh ah  
  
I want you  
  
'cause i want you Yeah, i want you  
  
His brow furrowed as he pictured her lying in her bed at night, crying over him. His image turned into just her face. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, tears forcefully streamed down her face as she looked down at a picture of them. He had never asked Luke how she took it, the fact that he just left without saying anything....sort of like a whisper on a summer breeze. Apparently, she hadn't taken it so well.  
  
He always hated leaving her like he did. But he never really thought he had a choice. He knew one day she would wake up and realize that he wasn't good enough for her. And that he was just a screw up that would never amount to anything. He couldn't take it....so he left.  
  
He never really forgot about her...but she was suddenly pushed to the back of his mind kind of like the box that was pushed to the back of his closet, when he met Karen. He knew he had to forget Rory and move on, and so he did. He felt bad...he never once called her...and actually TALK to her. He had called a couple of times soon after he reached California. He called on her graduation day, wanting, if anything, to tell her congratulations and good luck at Yale.....but what he got to do instead, was listen to her tell him how much he screwed up....and he already knew all of it.  
  
The next song began to play.  
  
It's been five months since you went away Left without a word and nothing to say  
  
When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul  
  
But it wasn't good enough for you, no  
  
So I asked God  
  
God send me an angel  
  
From the heavens above  
  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
  
From being in love  
  
'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes  
  
And I know it might sound crazy  
  
But after all that I still love you  
  
You wanna come back in my life  
  
But now there is something I have to do  
  
I have to tell the one that I once adored  
  
That they can't have my love no more  
  
Cause my heart can't take no more lies  
  
And my eyes are all out of cries  
  
God send me an angel  
  
From the heavens above  
  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
  
From being in love  
  
'Cause all I do is cry  
  
God send me an angel  
  
To wipe the tears from my eyes Now you had me on my knees  
  
Begging God please to send you back to me  
  
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep  
  
You made me feel like I could not breathe  
  
Now all I wanted to do was to feel your touch  
  
And give you all my love  
  
But you took my love for granted  
  
Want my lovin' now  
  
But you can't have it  
  
God  
  
God send me an angel  
  
From the heavens above  
  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
  
For bein in love.  
  
'Cause all I do is cry  
  
God send me an angel  
  
To wipe the tears from my eyes  
  
Oh God, send me (God send me an angel)  
  
An angel (wipe the tears from my eyes) Oh baby Send me an angel from the heavens above  
  
Send me an angel (God send me an angel)  
  
From being in love (send me an angel)  
  
Oh God, send me an angel Send me an angel (send me an angel)  
  
Ooohhhh..  
  
As he continued to listen to the cd, he picked up the cd case and a piece of paper fell out. It read  
  
Dear Jess,  
  
You probably don't remember this CD...and that would be because I made half of it for you right after you left and then the last half just before I had Luke send this box to you. I don't have a reason why you just up and left me, but I want you to know that I meant what I said the day of my graduation...I did love you....and I think I still do. Some called me crazy when I told them, some called me stupid...but I ignored them. You were my first true love and you will always remain that, because frankly, Jess, I can't get over you. It's not possible. I'm not going to go around and pretend that I am, only to come home and cry for you. You taught me to love, without knowing it. You hurt me, but sometimes love hurts. The picture in the box, is one that Kirk took of us one day without us knowing it. It was for his film class or something. I love you, Jess Mariano. I always have, and I always will.  
  
With all my love,  
Rory  
  
I will remember you  
  
Will you remember me?  
  
Don't let your life pass you by  
  
Weep not for the memories  
  
I'm so tired  
  
But I can't sleep  
  
Standing on the edge of something much too deep  
  
Funny how I feel so much  
  
But cannot say a word  
  
We are screaming inside  
  
Oh...but we can't be heard  
  
Chorus  
  
So afraid to love you  
  
More afraid to lose  
  
Clinging to a past  
  
that doesn't let me choose  
  
But once there was a darkness  
  
A deep and endless night  
  
Gave me everything you had  
  
Oh...you gave me light  
  
He rummaged around in the box for the picture and was finally successful....they were sleeping on the bridge, holding one another. A book laying on his chest. He remembered this day. She had asked him to read to her and then they all of a sudden had fallen asleep. It had started to rain and it woke him up, but he had just laid there enjoying the moment with Rory. He gave her his coat, leaving him in only a t-shirt. When she finally woke up, she was soaked and shivering. But he was no doubtedly worse and ended up with a terrible cold. She always felt bad for it, but he told her it was no big deal.  
  
Then his eyes fell across another picture of them. He had seen this one before. It was at Kyle's house, he hadn't been very happy that day, but let Rory have their picture taken none the less. She had told him that even though he had had a bad day, that he should just think about how much he loved her and the smile would come in thinking of that.  
  
This picture sent a flood of memories back into his mind that he had almost forgotten. It had been the day he had flunked out of school, and everything changed. That was when the fight started, the day he pushed her too far, the day he fought with Dean, that was the day before Jimmy came, a couple days before he left Stars Hollow for good.  
  
Tears flooded into his eyes and down onto his cheeks. He was once a happy guy...well as happy as Jess Mariano could be. Then he had to go screw everything up....he looked at his life now. He pretended to be happy with Karen...she was nice enough. But he had never really figured out why he didn't love her as much as she loved him. Now he knew.  
  
He was still in love with Rory Gilmore. His heart jumped at this newly released information....but then sank again in the memory of Karen and that in two days from now...he would be a married man. He stared at the picture of him and Rory once again...He stood up and searched all over his desk. Throwing papers all over the floor. There. He found it. He picked it up and then picked up the picture of himself and Rory. He compared the two. In one hand, he held a picture of himself and Karen. He was smiling, but it was a forced smile...the smile wasn't showing how much he loved her. In the other hand, he held the picture of himself and Rory. Though he hadn't been happy that day, he had shown his love for her through his smile...  
  
He had to get a drink of water and think more about this. He stood up and left the two pictures in his room as he went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. He brought the glass to the couch and sat down staring straight ahead. The phone began to ring. He didn't want to answer...he didn't think that he could. Besides, he didn't even know where the stupid phone was.  
  
"Hey, this is Jess, leave me one." His voice echoed through the emtpy apartment. The person began to leave a message.  
  
"Hey sweetie, it's me again! Where are you? You should be home by now. Well, call me when you get in ok? My parents came into town tonight and they can't wait to meet you! Oh! I'm just so excited, Jess!! I can't wait till our big day! Love you!" She hung up. Jess stared at the answering machine. He couldn't do this to her. He couldn't marry her and end up unhappy one day and constantly blame himself for not doing what he should have done before they got married.  
  
He searched frantically for the phone and after about ten minutes, he found it. He dialed a familiar number. She answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Karen, it's me." His voice was slow and steady.  
  
"Hey, sweetie!!"  
  
"Hey...listen...I umm...we need to talk."  
  
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A/N: Hey guys! I hope you liked this! I know it's not completely original.....anyway, I'm not sure if I want to add another chapter or not or if I just want to leave it here. If I do add another chapter, I will only add one more chapter....so I dunno yet. Just depends I guess. Do me a HUGE favor and review!!!!  
  
1st song: Want you by the Bangles  
  
2nd song: Angel by Amanda Perez  
  
3rd song: I will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan 


	2. Love Comes Only Once

Disclaimer I own nuthin  
  
Summary: It's 10 Years after Jess left and he finds an old picture of Rory and begins to think about her again. Will his love make itself known again?  
  
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"Ok! what about?" Her voice was chipper and so loving, making it about ten times worse. He couldn't believe he was doing this to her. She awaited an answer on the other end, patiently of course. "Honey? Honey, are you ok? Is something wrong?" She was so caring.  
  
"Could you maybe meet me at the park?"  
  
"Yeah! I'll meet you there in ten minutes ok?"  
  
"Ok. Bye." He hung up the phone and looked around for his shoes. Finally finding them, he slipped them on and then slipped on his jacket. He picked up his keys out of the bowl that was by the door and slipped out of the apartment, locking the door behind him. Even though it was raining, he didn't feel the need to take his car, considering the park was only a block away. He saw her standing under one of the pavilions. He walked up to her. She turned and smiled at him. As soon as he reached the pavilion, she raced up to him and met him with a passionate kiss. She stopped when she noticed he wasn't kissing her back.  
  
"Jess...what's wrong? You're not responding...." She looked at him with her big blue eyes, her brown hair covering one of them. A pout spreading on her face. This was when Jess noticed it. He hadn't really thought about Rory much because...Karen resembled her so much. The one difference was that Rory had an angelic glow about her, well at least in Jess' eyes and she had a good heart. Karen was sweet....but she was no angel. "Jess...are you going to talk or are we just going to stand here?" Karen was a patient woman, but she was getting a little annoyed that Jess kept spacing out like he was.  
  
"Oh sorry..."He held both of her hands in his own. "Karen, I haven't been entirely honest with you...or myself for that matter." A wave of confusion washed over her face. "I thought I loved you, Karen. I really thought I did....but...I don't." She stepped out of his grasp, hurt written all over her face. "Listen, I fell in love with a girl named Rory Gilmore back when I was seventeen and I never stopped loving her. I kind of pushed her into the back of my mind when I met you, in hopes of forgetting her...but then when I was packing tonight, I found a box....and all the memories kind of came flooding back to me. Karen.." She kept backing away as if she was going to run at any second. "Karen, please don't hate me..."  
  
"Does this mean the wedding's off?" Her voice was cold and hard. Jess had never heard her this way before.  
  
"Yes." He stated simply.  
  
"Can I ask you...why her?" Tears began to well up into her eyes as she said this.  
  
"Because....you only fall in love once, Karen. Only once. You can say that you're in love with someone....but not be IN love. It's completely different. I fell IN love with Rory...and I just...loved you." She looked down at her feet and then slowly back up at him.  
  
"Fine. I'll call everyone." She turned around and ran to her car and sped away. This was the last time he ever saw Karen. He felt horrible. He had hurt her...he never wanted to do that.... It was getting dark and it was raining. He walked home sullenly.  
  
When he actually reached his apartment, it was 9:30. He couldn't remember how long he had been walking...he guessed for about an hour. He was drenched and cold. He walked into his house and dropped his keys in the bowl and left his coat on the coat rack. He walked into his room, and saw the pictures still lying on his bed. He picked up the one of Karen and himself and looked at it for a minute before dropping it in the trash can. He and Karen were dead.  
  
He put on some dry clothes, packed a small bag and walked out to his car, got in and began driving.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He finally reached Stars Hollow. He took in his surroundings, though it was dark, he could see pretty clearly. It wasn't raining here, thankfully. *Luke would still be at the diner.* he thought. He stumbled to the diner and through the door. Luke's back was turned when he heard the bell ring.  
  
"We're closed, learn to read." He stated without turning around.  
  
"Luke." Luke turned around at the sound of the familiar voice.  
  
"Jess...what are you doing here?" Then something registered in Luke's mind. "You're suppose to be getting married in two days! Why are you here?!?"  
  
"I came to see Rory." He stated bluntly.  
  
"Rory? Jess...you're getting married."  
  
"No." A confused expression washed over Luke's face. "No, I'm not getting married."  
  
"Jess, what are you talking about! Of course you are!"  
  
"There's not going to be any wedding Luke. I called it off." He said, his eyes never once leaving Luke's.  
  
"Why?" Now Jess looked down.  
  
"Well....the way I figure it, you only fall in love once...and I already did...before I met Karen." Luke started shaking his head.  
  
"No, Jess. No. I will not let you do this."  
  
"Luke, I'm twenty eight years old, you can't tell me what to do anymore." Jess stated.  
  
"No, Jess, I don't think that you understand..." Luke tried to reason.  
  
"Well then explain it to me, Luke! I love Rory! I can't help it!" He yelled.  
  
"Jess! I know that ok!? But you can't just come back ten years later and expect her to take you back!" Jess looked down at his shoes and sighed.  
  
"I know...I just..I want to see her, Luke. I want her to know that I love her." Luke could tell he was on the verge of tears and really didn't want to break the news to him.  
  
"Jess....you're about two weeks too late." He looked up at his uncle, confused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She got married two weeks ago...I...I didn't tell you because....well you hadn't mentioned her in awhile and figured it was best not to bring up past hurts and...I never told her you were getting married either..." Jess turned around and walked out of the diner, but before he could get out the door, Luke stopped him. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I have to talk to her, Luke." Luke understood, but wasn't sure if it would be the best thing.  
  
"Jess, she's got an apartment on peach...but I really don't think that you should go over there. I really don't." Jess nodded, but still tried to leave. Luke grabbed his arm firmly.  
  
"She married Dean." Jess felt like an anvil had just been dropped on his heart, completely crushing it. He pulled away from Luke and stormed out of the diner, in search of Rory.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
There she was....and there he was. They were sitting in the gazebo, holding hands and laughing. He started walking up to them, but then stopped. He couldn't do this. She looked so happy and him comming back would completely destroy her happiness....and that was the last thing he wanted. "Jess?" This was it. He couldn't turn back now. Her turned around and walked closer. "What..." Dean walked over to his wife.  
  
"Hey." He shoved his hands deep into his pockets. Dean put an arm around her waist, making sure Jess knew that Rory belonged to him. "Jeez, we're not seventeen anymore, man! I know you two are married." Rory glared at Dean and he took his arm away. She walked closer to Jess.  
  
"You...you came back....." He looked up into her eyes.  
  
"I did...but it looks like I'm just a little too late..." Tears were fighting hard to reach his eyes, but he held them back with all the power he had within himself.  
  
"Do you...want to take a walk?" Jess looked back at Dean, who was raging with jelousy, and looked back at Rory. Her eyes were so full of hope, that he just couldn't say no.  
  
"Ok." They began walking, to the bridge of course." Why did you leave, Jess?" She wasn't going to take any small talk apparently.  
  
"The truth?" He asked.  
  
"That would be nice." He sighed and began telling her.  
  
"Rory...I was never good enough for you....I know you never thought that but it's true...and I didn't want to be around for the day when you finally realized that and break my heart." She nodded.  
  
"Jess I still don't think it's true." He looked at her. "I never thought that, even after you left."  
  
"That's good to know." He replied looking into the water.  
  
"So what brings you back to Stars Hollow?" She asked suddenly. He hated all this talking, it just wasn't his thing-but he knew that he owed her.  
  
"The truth?" She smiled and nodded. "I came back because...because I want you to know that I love you." Her eyes grew big and filled with tears. "But I know I'm too late...see I was suppose to get married in two days....but when I started packing up all my stuff, I found this box."  
  
"Jess...." She started crying. "Stop..."  
  
"It was the one you sent to me eight years ago....I had never looked in it because when I got it, I was unpacking all my stuff and I must have just forgot about it...but when I looked through it tonight, I knew that I was still in love with you...and that I couldn't get married. So I called my fiancé and called off the wedding." She shook her head.  
  
"Jess, I'm married."  
  
"I noticed, but I can't ignore what I feel for you."  
  
"I can't either." He looked at her in shock. What did she mean? "I'm still in love with you too, Jess. But you waited too long to come back....I closed the book on you a year ago. And once you close the book...it's over." Tears came to his eyes as well and began to spill over. "You were my true love, Jess...but I married the man I love second most....and you'll do the same when you find the right girl." He looked down and nodded, trying to hide the fact that he was crying.  
  
"I just wanted you to know that I love you."  
  
"I know..." She hugged him and held him in her arms and they both cried for everything that they had lost because of their stupidity and stubbornness. He knew he had to get back, so he finally pulled away from her. "Don't ever forget me, Jess."  
  
"That would extremely hard." She kissed him on the cheek and he turned around and walked back to his car. He sat down and drove off, wiping tears from his eyes the whole way home.  
  
6 WEEKS LATER......  
  
He wouldn't call what he was doing: living, just merely existing. Knowing that one day he would move on was of no comfort to him whatsoever. He laid around all day, didn't go into work, didn't do anything. There was a knock on his door that he tried to block out, but it was rather insistent. He dragged himself off the couch and walked over to the door. He opened it and thought he had been dreaming. "Rory?" He managed to get out. Her mascara was runny because of her obvious crying. She practically fell into his arms. He closed the door and carried her over to the couch. Even though this woman had ripped his heart out, he still loved her and cared for her.  
  
"He wants a divorce." She cried. "He doesn't think I love him...as much as I love you.." Jess sighed as he held her in his arms.  
  
"He's crazy." He stated. She looked up at him, realization beaming into her eyes.  
  
"No he's not." Jess's heart lifted a little. "I love you....you remember when I told you that you only fall in love once?" Jess nodded, remembering that he had told Karen and Luke that. "It's true." She looked at him and smiled through her tears.  
  
"I love you too." Jess kissed her forehead and they both fell asleep. For the first time in ten years, they had a peaceful sleep.  
  
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A/N: YAY! HAPPY ENDING!! I had you guys goin there for a little bit didn't I! Go on admit it! You thought he was going to spend the rest of eternity alone didn't you!! Oh well! I hope you liked this story!! I know it kind of got a little fast there at the end with the whole "I love you" thing, but they'd loved each other for ten years without really knowing it, but anyhoot! I got some of the ideas for this chapter from the movie "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton"-such a good movie, if you haven't seen it...GO SEE IT!-anyway! Do me a big ole favor and REVIEW!!!! 


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